Depression

1. I know that I’ve realized how I suffered from this sickness a few years back.

2. But thinking back, I think I’ve been suffering from it many years ago. Even during my university days.

3. It triggered really bad roughly 3-4 years ago.

4. And I feel that it doesn’t get any better. It got worse after my father passed away.

5. I tried to speak to people but I think it’s hopeless. People will never understand.

6. I’m fortunate that I have my wife and children now, but I fear that if I keep on hurting them, what’s there left for me?

7. I feel hopeless. Failure. Terrible. Don’t feel like doing anything. Quitting.

8. I’ve been looking at my phone thinking to call mental health care number.

9. But I just didn’t have the courage to hit the call button.

10. I might need help. I just don’t know. I’m a terrible father. Not a good husband.

11. I just hope I don’t hurt my loved ones again before it’s too late.

12. My clock is ticking.

……

This sickness occurs almost everyday. People will never understand.

It’s like having a fever everyday. But you know how to treat a fever.

You can eat paracetamol. You can measure your temperature.

But this? You just make fake smiles everyday.

And nobody knows how hurtful it is everyday.

…….

Drowning in hopelessness,

Abu Umar